the doubt that is necessary to faith & grace

Stick with me - this metaphor is from a sci-fi show, but perfectly illustrates what I'm feeling.

Earlier today, I wrote about self-doubt and trying to figure out why I keep running away when I have to make decisions when I'm painting. One of you wrote back, asking how I could possibly doubt myself.

There isn't exactly language to describe this kind of doubt. It isn't that of the Soul or the Self -- it's of the Artist Self, those moment before birth when you know  wonderful things are about to come out into the world, but you're just before that when it's painful and confusing and moving in hyper-realism and you wonder how you got there in the first place. It's the doubt that comes before a fever breaks and you've been sick for ages. It is the doubt that is necessary to faith & grace. 

So, in this show I watch, Haven , Audrey had to open a door. She had to find it, first, as the world began to crumble around her, and she had a guide, trying to help her remember herself. But it wouldn't work if just she opened the door; her friends had to on the other side, too. And when she opened that door, what awaited her was a desert wasteland, a green and white shining scape of fast moving clouds and mountains in the distance, and she had to cross it on faith alone . 

Right. I'm sure a sci-fi dreamscape looks awesome  to jump out into on faith that there's a magic door on the other side. 

And that's where I am. I've opened the door, I'm looking out across, and I'm taking my first steps. It's scary and overwhelming and larger than life, and I know I'll get through to the other side, but as you're stepping out, you have doubt.  

I'm running less. And found my flow.  

Here are some action shots from the day... 

 

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Giant Art Photobomb GO!

Wow! Running an online class seems to grab all my attention; everything has been filmed, though, and last night, after 3.5 hours of working, we headed off for a good dinner of crab legs to celebrate. 

I spent the day cleaning my patio, moving furniture,  & putting up Halloween decorations. I'm not a huge fan of Halloween-y stuff (I know...surprising, right?), but for some reason, have felt the need to make the world around me festive, fun, & positive. Cleanliness and incense and pretty decorating! 

(Keep reading; this is an art journal photobomb post!) 

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Okay, so I don't have very many decorations, but I did the best with what I have! I love those little pumpkin lights, even though they don't light up. 

Now that things are nice and clean and moved, I can sit outside in the cool desert air and play in my journals. This weekend is for relaxation and filling the well; creating stories with drawings and paints and markers, doodling shapes and ships on the sea. Expressing all the uncertainty I feel. 

I think, when we come out on the other side of something, a prolonged period of turbulence or illness in our lives, it's natural to question the lesson behind it. I've found myself writing my questions in my art journals, layers of colorful marker-scrawled words hidden under paint and collage.  

   blick matte acrylics, collage materials, prismacolor markers, gold oil pastel, signo white gel pen

 blick matte acrylics, collage materials, prismacolor markers, gold oil pastel, signo white gel pen

  distress stains, signo white gel pen

distress stains, signo white gel pen

  distress stains, gold acrylic paint, black craft paint, white signo gel pen

distress stains, gold acrylic paint, black craft paint, white signo gel pen

The rest of my time has been consumed with Gelli Printing! 

 For me, whenever I teach a class, I find myself uber-excited to share every little thing I know, & any waining passion is reignited; I have tried so many new things lately, and just adore re-exploring my gelli plate through the eyes of my students. 

One of their favorite things is how I clean my plate. I originally learned this from Carla Sonheim and fell in love -- it's perfect for art journalers because the technique creates instant backgrounds to play on, and is so textured and full of color, I just love looking at them! How do you do it? Simply cover your plate with a layer of craft paint, put it down in your journal, and let it dry -- easy peasy! Here are some in my various journals...

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Okay, this last one is a combination of techniques and an example from one of the lessons that I'm doodling on with the best pen in the world, the Pilot Permaball. Roben-Marie parted with one from her stash for me to try this discontinued pen. It write over ANYTHING and dries totally permanent. I adore it, but only pull it out when it'd be the best tool since I'll have to order more online when it runs out. Still...so, so nice! You can't get them in stores anymore, but can grab them at the Scarlet Lime shop

The last thing I'm sharing today in this art photobomb is the junk journal I finished for the Gelli Print Junk Journal class. BTW, we're having SO MUCH FUN....after just a week, the girls are totally blown away and learning new things. I'm going to take my mother's advice and brag about myself for a moment by sharing a few things they've said: 

Miriam C:

"I have seen tons of videos but your video from yesterday's class has refreshing new techniques I haven't seen before. I considered myself pretty proficient on the Gelli Plate but yesterday I learn tons of new things. And we are only in our first week of class. I am absolutely loving the class. If you are reading this post I would urge you to sign up for Samie Harding Gelli Plate ecourse."

Vickie P:

"Seriously, you changed my printing style for the better today as I worked. I learned more from you than I realized until I put it into practice! This class ROCKS! Thank you!"

Genevive C: 

"I have watched countless Gelli printing YouTube videos, and I've already learned several new things. And I just received my round Gelli plate, so I'm definitely going to play with that." 

I have been SO happy and encouraged by all they're saying and creating! I've really learned to hold space and share from my heart; I have learned I have so much to share in this life, and really need to get on doing so! 

(You can join us at any time!)

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Phew! That was a lot of pictures! Photobomb DONE!  

By the way, did you catch this week's episode of Journal Girl in the Studio? I reviewed Blick Matte Acrylics and played with them in my art journal.  

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While you go watch that, I'm going to head outside and play! It's beautiful outside and I just found neon Prismacolor markers -- OMG, they're gorgeous! But that's for another day!